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Heads Bludgeoned

Mass Effect 3 - Extended Cut Review Ian's avatar
Spoiler Warning: Totally spoils the Mass Effect 3 Extended Ending
I hated the Mass Effect 3 ending for a lot of the same reasons most other people did. It was cheap, rushed, ruined basically the whole future of the franchise, and many other minor atrocities. The fact that the Extended Cut ending was even made is a testament to how negative the reaction was. Weren't they supposed to be doing "Take Back Omega" DLC or something?

So under the advice of the handy FAQ they put up for the ending, I loaded up my post-game autosave and initiated the Assault on the Cerberus Base again. Knowing full well that nothing between then and entering the beam was different, I X'd my way through most of the dialogue and set combat difficulty to Casual just to make it go faster. I think it still took a couple of hours to get to the new stuff.

First new scene is the explanation of why your companions are on board the Normandy. Half-way through the dramatic "leggit "sequence, Shepard pauses for a breather to evacuate the squad onto the Normandy which arrives so fast that it must of been hovering just off screen. It reminded me of that scene in Star Trek 5 where the Klingon bird of prey somehow hides behind a small hill and suprises Kirk.

With your shipmates carefully packed off, you can get on with the rest of it. Next change comes with the space child dialogue. There is way more of it. He takes the time to explain in barely any more detail what is going, basically just repeats it slowly for people who didn't get it the first time.

Shepard: "Who built you?"
Starchild: "Uh you wouldn't know em."
Shepard: "Who came up with the plans for the Crucible?"
Starchild: "Some... guys..."
Shepard: "Why didn't you stop the Crucible?"
Starchild: "Triksy organics hids it away! Gollum! Gollum!"

You get the idea. Explaining shitty writing in greater detail doesn't do much to make it less shitty. After this you get to pick your ending which works the same except they show you some clips from the endings so you remember from when you watched them on youtube last time. Also they show you in FMV form how to initiate them, which is a hilarious solution to that problem.

After the explanations were done I got really excited as a new option presented itself, refusal! A big middle finger to the endings, and the game in general. With this option picked, you basically get a very short sequences showing a message with Crucible instructions for the next cycle to figure out what to do with. With done I fired up my "Load" menu to see the others... but yeah autosaves. I was screwed, and had to watch the other three on youtube.

The previous three endings all get 15 minute sequences to properly explain and undo pretty much everything from the original versions of the ending.

I like the following things about these endings:

* Parts of them are nicely produced. Eg. How the fighting wraps up on Earth and other planets. Looks good.
* They un-fuck the universe by showing the gates being rebuilt.
* They un-fuck the Normandy by showing it leaving jungle planet.

I do not like the following things about these endings:

* Man. The paintings look dumb! Look!

Then they photoshop GREEN EYES onto everyone!

* Still a bad bunch of choices involving space magic.
* The Synthesis effect with the glowing green eyes is hilarious.
* Adding a bunch of production value and explanation to shit ideas for endings doesn't make the ideas less shit.
* The Normandy tries to run away from a shockwave for no reason. But you can see them making that bizarre decision in greater detail now!

So in conclusion, I spent 3 hours replaying the ending to a game to see a three minute video I could have watched on youtube. Go me.

Tags: mass-effect-3